I decided to make this post because I liked the title. I have no idea what to actually discuss.


however, saying that I did half hear a radio program about whether being in a relationship was important or whether having children was important, and if so why/why not.

I dont have children. Id welcome such an occurance but as I dont have then why should I be bothered about children. If you dont have children or are single and are getting older and your a man, one can worry a bit about what one is doing with ones existence. Im sure most of you have a sprogg or two but does it matter? why should I give a fuck about children? society shapes the view that to have children and wifes and things like that is what life is about? does not having children enable generally a more free mindset towards human existence and meaning and therefore find meaning in ideas that are completely opposite and estranged from the proposed norm?



(ps. ive been drinking!)


BB

I heard a programme on radio 4 yesterday afternoon about religion and childlessness but the sound went off ten minutes into the programme. Religious people don't like single parents and think that the whole purpose of marriage is to have children. They're not keen on divorce or cohabitation either. They expect everybody to be unmarried, without a partner and children or married with children.

To begin with BB:

Drinking and Thinking have a long and glorious history together...right back to Socrates and beyond. So you are partaking of a noble lineage in your cerbebral questing.

Secondly:

I suspect that besides the societal pressures there may be a biological imperative involved-- to a greater or lesser degree--at least in some of us. I have no strong intellectual views on children vs no children in general. (Or perhaps I should say my views vary depending on the balance of joy vs worry I'm feeling about my kid at the moment. ) But in anycase, back to the biological imperetive.

Shelly and I had no deep feelings either way about having a kid. In fact on a surface/selfish/logical level we were pretty sure we didn't want any. Then we got into our early 30's and low and behold we started looking at each other and saying "well maybe". Then suddenly it was "what the fuck, let's go for it." The urge was not logical, nor expected but rather something unknowable yet unstoppable, something way deep down under the surface of our psychie. Strangely we did not find it's arrival caused any great emotional upheavals, rather it was subtle, quite gentle in fact, though it would allow only one result.

Another thing we both experienced was that once we had our daughter, we never had any urge to have another. One was fine. I know for others that is not the case. Go figure. It is all so very mysterious.

First procure a girlfriend then...

SleepyJohn wrote:


a

a

a girlfriend

procure



wow

babies

shopping

rules

oh...

love



yes do it

x

It's unlikely BB...

the belly button wrote:


Actually, belly, there are few of us without kids round these parts, whether by choice or circumstances. I can only speak for myself, but I'd say a combination of the two. I can barely keep a houseplant alive and seem to have an aversion to responsibility. Add this to falling for men when I was in my early to mid thirties who really didn't want to have kids, and it simply didn't happen for me. You could argue that on a subconscious level I was choosing those men as I wasn't ready or didn't want to go down that road. Either way, now I'm late thirties and probably past it - particularly since I'm not in a relationship at the moment. But I'm ok with that.

Undoubtedly kids enrich your life immeasurably, but I find other people's kids enrich my life as well. I get to play, and have fun, and talk to them, and teach them to an extent, but without all the responsibility. It's nice to hand them back. My siblings produced ten kids, and now those kids are starting to produce their own. Plus my best friend has two little ones. So I've had plenty of practise being the favourite aunty. That'll do. Maybe in my next life...

Fair enough Chinny - that's a good response there ^. The truth is, I don't think it matters, because a lot of people have kids who clearly don't deserve them. Life is complex... I think it would take a miracle for me to settle down and have children.

Now, in my mid-forties, I have a sense of perspective and insight which would be hard to reach if I'd married or had children. There are things to compensate for living the way I do. It would be nice to have someone around, but since there is no-one, why worry?

the belly button wrote:


Nah! You can still go against the grain if you have children. If anything I've developed a freer mindset since having my son.

SleepyJohn wrote:


whats unlikely sleepy?